I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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