the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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