After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize