you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
