drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
ttyl tear gas
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
