everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
