i just wanna soil my oats bro
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The air taste purple.
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