I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
