just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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