Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize