Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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