I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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