All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
