Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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