Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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