The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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