I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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