i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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