oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
