The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
