their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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