the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
