Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
