I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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