there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
