with your own penis?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
