It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
