Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
