I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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