SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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