i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
