I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
