the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
