If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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