saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
sarcasm needs its own font
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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