why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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