Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
