i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
