So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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