If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
