help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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