that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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