how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We have started to decorate penises.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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