I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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