I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
