why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
