Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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