Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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