I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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