Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize