I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
