from now on my penis is your penis
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize