Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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