no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Apparently you make a good broom.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
