Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
