I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
