I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
