so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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