So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
