i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
