This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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