Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
