the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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