i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
