i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
