He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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