I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I AM VODKA MAN
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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