we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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