He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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