After last night, I could never be a politician.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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